I feel it in my bones
“There were they in great fear where no fear was…” (Psalm 53:5a)
I must confess, I’ve felt this way several times. Mortified someone would get the scent of my fears and insecurities and somehow, some way, use them against me. I give these people too much credit I tell you!
“…for God hath scattered the bones of him that encampeth against thee: Thou hast put them to shame, because God hath despised them.” (53:5b)
“As with a sword in my bones, mine enemies reproach me; while they say daily unto me, Where is thy God?” (Pslam 42:10)
A sword in my bones… That sounds all sorts of painful.
“Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the Lord delivereth him out of them all. He keepeth all his bones: not one of them is broken.” (Psalm 34:19-20)
We all face hell. “Our bones are scattered at the grave’s mouth” (Psalm 141:7) so to speak. The roar and fire of hell tries to get us to drop what we’re carrying as we pass on through. But know that God’s carrying you. I think the thing I carry with me having gone through my tour of hell that is both utmost important and also something I don’t really think about very much, is God’s presence. I only have to look away inside to feel it. If I alight on it for but a moment, it’s there. I don’t even have to use my words when I acknowledge God, He’s there. Closer than my very breath.
“For these things were done, that the scripture should be fulfilled, A bone of Him shall not be broken.” (John 19:36)
There are depths of suffering and persecution and abandonment that I will never ever touch or taste. I say this to say that Jesus did indeed feel the depth. He knows what it’s like to be abandoned. To be shunned and beaten and murdered. I can only assent to the first half of this list. But nowhere near as bad as what He went through. His wounds tell. And anytime we would turn to Him, no matter the state of our feelings, and show respect and honor for the treatment He received in order to win us back for His Father (and ours), He in turn honors us.
“Oh that I knew where I might find Him! That I might come even to His seat! I would order my cause before Him, and fill my mouth with arguments. I would know the words which He would answer me, and understand what He would say unto me. Will He plead against me with His great power? No; but he would put strength in me.” (Job 23:3-6, emphasis mine)